Little Brothers Everywhere

Dear Ask a Prosecutor,
I have a family member who started as a prosecutor about a year ago.  I don’t like him very much, but I have to pretend to play nice at family functions. Do you have any subtle ways I can drive him crazy without outright hostility?

Thanks
I Love Law and Order

Dear I Love Law and Order
While annoying a prosecutor isn’t exactly a challenge, doing so while maintaining your own culpable deniability can be an interesting intellectual exercise. My strategy is to act out of both aggression and ignorance. For example:

• “You’re a prosecutor huh? How can you live with yourself when you’re helping those scumbags get off?”
• “I got a DUI last week, can you represent me/get it dismissed? That cop was full of shit”
• “Did your pension get cut? Public employees are sucking the life out of our economy.”
• “I saw a thing about Project Innocence on 20/20 and so I gave them some money. Don’t you think people are wrongly convicted all the time?”
• [Whatever stupid thing] shouldn’t be a crime, man. We have liberties and freedoms!”
• “Why does the judge let people plead not guilty?”

If you really want to hit a home run, ask him the same question every time you see him.

Enjoy community college,
AAP