Stop Signs Are Suggestions

Dear Ask a Prosecutor,
I’m a drug runner for the local branch of the 18th Street Gang. Although I’ve been mostly a small time mule, I’ve recently been promoted! I have to pick up six kilos of uncut Bogota boullion at the airport from some guy name Juan. Any advice on making my first major run a success?

Thanks,
At Least I’m Not Swallowing Heroin Bindles

Dear At Least I’m Not Swallowing Heroin Bindles,
By far the most important piece of advice I can give you is act normal.  If you’d do it going to LAX to pick up your cousin, then do it on the way to pick up $120,000 worth of blow.  Here are some examples:

• Drink and smoke weed both before and during the trip. This will also steady your nerves and improve your decision making.
• Park illegally at the airport. If possible, pay with a credit card
• Wear a hooded sweatshirt and sunglasses in the terminal
• Make sure to put the coke in the front seat (that way you can belt it in).
• Speed, swerve, don’t use your blinker, and above all drive a car with expired tags.
• After you’ve been Mirandized, admit to everything and snitch on everyone you know.

Finally, make sure you stock up on magazines. They don’t have body armor in prison.

Watch your back,
AAP